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jeudi, mai 31, 2007
life is harder
12:32 AM
Karen's life... Since the day we got the Starbuck's job... many events poured along with the blissful acceptance. I've become busier since the schedule for taking the lessons seem non-negotiable. I had to compromise between work and school. The lessons came continually as well. It started last Friday, 25th May 2007. And subsequent days where from Monday until today, Wednesday. The last lesson. Thank God Ive survived and managed well. =) I doubted, complained, worried since Monday about the week I've to face and conquer -myself. Well, it's not the end of the hectic week. The supposedly Vesak Day holiday, today, Thursday, is my last day at BK. 10am-4pm I've yet to write a resignation letter. I got home today at midnight.... (since monday alright.) As if my schedule wasnt enough to stress me out, (I think so) cz u see, my mom told me a really serious problem. Im not ready to open up here. Ive just told those whom I'm really close with. To sum the other stress that piled in my life, It's something Im gonna live in fear since this midnight I got home. I really thought I was goin to be reprimanded as mom called for me right when I stepped in our home... cz already, my parents don't want me to work while I'm schooling. Particularly, my mom... So far, I've been handling it well............. but after knowing about her news, I'm vulnerable. I'm living in fear onwards. It's something I really didn't anticipate cz u see, she's too young. She just turned a year older... Why is it that all of a sudden something like that could be impelled upon her? I don't wanna say anything about "Deserving." As I blog this... since that moment she called me to their room, my life changed alot. I'm challenged even more: physically, mentally and emotionally. This challenge of a new cheese, reminds me of the quote Haw, who wrote in the walls of the maze of the book, "Who moved my cheese?" "What are you going to do when you knew you're not afraid?" I don't know really. I'm really exhausted. I can just complain and whine... as if my life isn't enough to keep me busy. But I can't even do that.... Im kept awake for 2 days now because of the coffee tasting. Im sleeping as late as 4am and waking as early as 8am... Lord, why are you testing me this way? I know I'm being strong... I know I wanna be better.... but these tests.... gets hard. Not to mention we end SB class at 10pm+ and Ive class in the morning. Thank God I had afternoon classes for 2 days. Thank God I managed to be on time. Thank God Im able to do the tests. Thank God Thank God Thank God... then suddenly.... Why... God? Why... ? =( Lord, I seek ur help. Im such a lost, terrified sheep... Oh yea... I am penniless too. =( I know you want me to grow. I know this is a test. Maybe you think I'm ready. God, I don't wanna complain... Because I see you helping me with each pile of work you give me. I really hope this time around, as Ive always prayed, you won't stop helping me... And now, I pray as well, that you'd help me lead the way. Please. Nevermind my fear... because I'll try to be strong. The only fear in life is you. So why be afraid when I know you'll mend things out? =) As I blog these... I'm thinking of going to church everyday now. Just like how a classmate does. He goes to Mosque to pray everyday. It's really scary. Seems like what the actions of the people I know, the ones they have been doing or have done, is being passed to me... and perhaps, Ive to do the same... ... ... .. . ? Treasure the ones you love... for you really don't know when they'll go. le31mai2007. 130am. |
wilkommen
The name's Karen. Currently residing in Singapore But her heart belongs in Baguio City She yearns to go to America where her relatives and frens live. Born on the 15th June She's a yellow fanatic. A friendly lass with a good heart. Really. =p Do tag my board yea? EVERYONE'S WELCOME!! ^_^
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