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dimanche, octobre 31, 2004
Please Hear What I'm Not Sayin'
1:17 PM
Please... Hear What I'm Not Saying Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the mask I wear. For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off, and none of them is me. Pretending is an art that is second nature with me, but don't be fooled.... I give the impression that I'm secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without; that confidence is my name and coolness is my game; that the waters are calm and that I'm in command and I need no one. But don't believe it; please don't. I idly chatter with you in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that's really nothing, nothing of what's crying within me. So when I'm goin' through my routine, don't be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying; what I'd like to be able to say; what, for survivial, I need to say but I can't say. I dislike the hiding. Honestly I do. I dislike the superficial phony games I'm playing.I'd really like to be genuine, spontaneous, and me; but you have to help me. You have to help me by holding out your hand, even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need. Each time you are kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings. Very small wings. Very feeble wings. But wings. With your sensitivity and sympathy and your power of understanding, I can make it. You can breathe life into me. It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. But love is stronger than strong walls, and therein lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive, and I am a child. Who am I, you may wonder. For I am every man, every woman, every child... every human you meet. jeudi, octobre 28, 2004
SiCk...
6:52 PM
Cn't believe all of a sudden i'm feeling sick... Feel like I'm gonna have fever anytime soon. *coughs* Finally for the past few days the weather have been terrific! I've finally see the clear blue sky last night despite only pieces of glittered stars surrounded the sky of Singapore. T'was full moon last night. Were you able to see it? =) It would have been great if u could walk with ur loved one around the beach... romantic~ Yesterday's school program was awesome! Although I was feeling anguish towards my Physics arrogant teacher. SHIT! He went through the paper despite the marks already being keyed in. I spotted a correction in his marking and DANG! There goes my 2 additional marks down the freaking drain!! All he could say was, " Oh, Sorry, too late already." DARN!! I replied, "WHAT?! Of course you should!! Now then only you're going through the paper!" felt like saying, "Sucker!" But, "duh" he didn't hear that. he just gave me one of his sly smiles. He needs some spanking!!... See how stupid teachers can be? They did gave us the bloody paper early ONLY to check the bloody marks! How the hell are we suppose to know that they marked carelessly?!?! And in the end, the students who are simply clueless sits on their places and stare!!! Let the additional extra marks just slipped through their calloused fingers!!! Next time, don't blame the students for not doin well! Heh... it could have had brought up my science marks although I've already passed Physics. Some things we learn in life.... [Pardon me for my vulgarity, this is not the ME... just that influence had stepped in...] Good thing after Physics was a sch program. Heh... got scrwed up dismissing them to their hall but t'was A-okay. We had a violin quartet who played for us. Just like what Mrs Er had said, "Music soothens the soul of a beast." It goes something like that, didn't quite get it. I personally loved their group -'Tangs quartet' It's the only violin group in Singapore who's professional and is currently running for almost 12 years. Their music mellowed me down asking greedily to play more and more!! heh... the school shouted, "We want more!!" after informing us that they would be playing the last piece of music. =) They would be also conducting a concern on the 12th of December at the Esplanade. Perhaps i may go together with my family. Little did i realize, that I had a fetish for acoutic violin music. Heh... The feeling's so different when u see them play LIVE unlike when hearing it in our players. Definitely great. It made my day ^_^ hunks playing violin?!? "Ooh-la-lah~!! ~*~
Still Sick II
6:50 PM
Today was exeptional. Report books issued out and Best of all, another program after recess but t'was only meant for the Sec 3 Express and Sec 4 Normal Academic. Wasnt interested in the Tour and the Police Recruitments. heh... I thought there were only two but the last one was so interesting!! The author, William Pang, came down to our school to talk about Graphology. Graphology is the science of analyzing one's intricate handwriting. These people actually work in the Forensic section and even the CID. He gave us what's expected, the salary base and how the analyzing takes place. Gee... Do you know that these people actually ear $300-$600/ hour!!!! WOW... whata BOMB!!! heh.. but after so much elaboration, in that moment, they have to come out with a report as long as 6 pages or more all about the handwriting that could be as little as 2 sentences!!! Shocking! Do you think it's worth it? Hmm~.. We actually wanted our handwritings to be tested, but he was so reluctant cause, obviosuly, it a'int free. yet somehow the Teacher's got through his kind heart and gave us some examples from our teachers like Mrs Er and Mr Lawrence Loh [parent] plus, 2 of our schoolmates. I was so engrosssed that after explaining everything, Mrs Er announced that he has a book all about how his experiences of being a Graphologist!! I asked him about age limit. He said that the older you are, the better!! haha... weirdo~ Cz if you do, u're more matured at analyzing and more vigilant. -_- ... but that doesn't stop us, students, at all. ^_^ His book costs $25. But since he was there, he gave us a discount so t'was only selling at $15. !!!O_O!!! I was so tempted to buy!!! Niwae, we were dismissed class by class and before leaving we could take a look over his books and brochures, and also give him his piece of paper all about joining his association!! Yeah!! I didn't quite bother until Mrs Er gave me that interests!! hahahaha... Am not deceived at all alright, just that I was really really really interested. Was somehow reluctant cz not alot of people stopped by. But when i did, people started to crowd over! Gee!! hehe... I took one of his business cards and soon people were grabbing for it. Mahira bought his book and Mr William Pang even autographed it!!! How cool is that?!?! It's not so often we buy a book and get to be autographed by the authors!! Theni suggested that Mahira and I half the price. She agreed but there I was so excitedly delirous that I stopped my hesitant and bought one!!!! YEY!!! hehehehehehe.... Lastly, Mr Loh gave us an inspiring speech about studying wise. his message penetrated through me and so this would be a challenge to me. I hope I'd be better, and I'll make sure I will!! Take care y'all and God bless~ mardi, octobre 26, 2004
Sadden Soul
11:56 PM
It's so late right now yet here i am bloggin. There's nothing to do in school but simply keep it quiet and away from the state of anarchy since most the xcos and DMs are away to train the upcoming student councillors. So much for that, lately the weather's been really weird. The clouds are simply oppresively low making me feel the same way. -Gloomy Last wednesday, if im not wrong, around 3am, i finally saw the blue sky, away for the dreary clouds that always covers it through day and night. It made me feel relieved and somehow gave me a feeling of hope... Today was trite. The school has been inviting people from the polytechnics from various courses to come down and give us a gist about the succesful courses that they have. None have really interested me although the animation from NYP was fantastic! Perhaps, I may consider it. I miss someone.... heh... watever... thy doesnt know thee cares. Just wonder why it has to conclude this way. I'm like in a state of gropping in a dark, waiting for thee to hold my hand and guide me on. Gonna invite some people to come to service after a month of being gone and me feeling in my lowest moments in life. I need Jesus right now... Wanna feel his security. Feeling guilty cz i've not been consistent... at least in Nexus. Check out soon for my new template. I've got one. I'm adoring it so much but I have yet to work with the Script. It's a angelic template, hope u'd like it as much as i did... Take care y'all and God bless~ vendredi, octobre 22, 2004
Outdated layout...
11:02 PM
hahaha... People are complaining about my template! –too old! Gee… hahaha… ok ok, gonna get one which really captures my preferences! For the mean time, i’m canvassing for one good one… =) Seems like I don’t blog daily like most of my friends… Been just really busy replying my close friends by snail mail. There’s more sentiment by writing on a paper than having it typed and printed out in the comp. So bear with me… I do try to blog though when I’m free On top of that, my two tagboards have been really quiet despite my webcounter’s digit always going up! In other words, no motivation to share mah life with y’all.. hehehe… chill, I was only kiddin!! ^_^ So niwaes… thats it…. Au revoir! mercredi, octobre 20, 2004
Vulgar
6:38 PM
Eesh… after telling so many people why I feel vulgar tonight, it doesn’t make sense no longer. Its only making me feel stupid of how I reacted. "Compensate now or else feel guilty!~" Niwae, I managed to write this: I felt indignant towards my mother a while ago. How could she screw it all up by just a snap of a few words? Little did she know I was dismayed… I felt like leaving and just simply meander around… but I hesitated and wrote up a few poems and updated my diary. I did have plans for this coming holiday yet it seems I’ve been deferring them. Out of sheer laziness? I wonder… mardi, octobre 19, 2004
Headachy...
6:24 PM
URGH.... It's been a while since i had a headache.. I had it first thing in the morning when I woke up. Little did i know that we don't have school today due to Marking days. The irky thing is, before lunchtime, i slept once more to get the aching feeling awa, but turned out t'was worst. In addition, mah lil sistahs had played with meeh since i so adored the Pearl Harbor show last two days on tv. SO much action, so much impact! cut here... gtg lundi, octobre 18, 2004
5:01 PM
 The thing about siblings... 
4:19 PM
 im feeling nostalgic!!! bear with meh!! wow... i actually got this old pic back from home!!
Breakaway.... Broken.
11:49 AM
I wrote this 2 nights ago. just wanna share... perhaps have this posted in mah Poems section too. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ It's like a deep heavy feeling that feels me up each time I wanna smile... It's like a blockage to every ray of light I wanna see... It's like living in a house with lots of people but are the ones who only glare at you... It's like an old oak tree which is fruitfull and lively yet not even a soul has seen if for once... It's simply feeling broken that thy wants to break free... ------------ Everytime i write how i hated having to be learning bio now. It's not that i don't like it. I was posted to a combination of subjects which i don't have pssion for. Perhaps for some reason Jesus just wants me to learn it after much therapeutic about learning the human body which helped me comprehend mah dad's situation. I'm missing Literature and Art classes so much... I didnt have mah combination cz there's aint enough people to fill up a class. Sad eh? Well, life's like this...
EXAMS ARE OVER~
11:11 AM
SHIT... kakinis yon! Apparently, I had my camera viewed by Stephen... haha.. Yea read that. Stephen!! eh, dimaganda, t'was aweful, the resolution's kinda dark compard to the others cam. Stephen's cam to be more especific! Yea, Mel too... What more dreading is that I just came back from school and had my hair tied up. So my hair was really freaking annoying flat! My hair didn't have much body and I sucked!! I looked horrible man... haha... di ko gusto yon hair ko! =Z!!! Well well... for the first time I sound so vain! =P Urgh~ haha... to Chem, Diana and IF EVER STEPHEN is reading this, yea, 'watever' haha... gwapito sya. he looks cute in his cam. +P... Diana... now i understand why u two were once together... haha... ;0P Man...positionin the cam in a gd angle for my face is so hard! haha... kakainis... annoying... freak... Stephen even told me he doesnt want to see my EAR, [coz the cam was facing my side]. 'Have the cam in front of mah face...' haha. Boy was he right! There's limited space! the computer table is full and im using a digital camera and not video cam. Sheeze... so much trouble of using it. That's why i barely use the cam other than mah relaties! Cz those ppl dont care how u position ur cam, as long as they can see you, it's A, ok. Hey, CHEM, online ka minsan chat tayo plus video cam!! wahahaha... cool yon! -_- Exams are over man!!! Yea... Had the stupid damn civics moral education examination just now. So i was only in sch for less than 3hours in total. -_- The others would still be having Mother Tongue listening compre. So i went home early together with the classes’ from 3A-3C. Civics moral and education EXAMination.... why the hell does Singapore needs that for? They grade u actually base on ur exam. From A-F. That's just so sick!!! Why can't the teachers just grade the students on how they behave during their lessons?? Aint that much betta? What more, 'Actions speaks louder than words.' Having an exam over MORAL is not really gonna help much grade about their morality cause a person may be intellectual but thy's attitude may be rotten!! So i just hope they're gonna change it.... little do i care anyway. Lots of things to be done now that exams are done. I'm not anticipating for my results. I didn't really study well this year. My mind's just so muddled. So messed up. Plus, having my dad hospitalised three times did bother me. Gonna puck up this break. AHH... O levels next year... that's really scary... I need to get my math fixed!!! Files for 9 subjects have to be checked, Gavel end-of-year celebrations, plans for next year.... blah- Lastly, i have yet to blog my OBS experienced. My draft had gone nowhere!! I think it was already deleted since i saved it here... =( Some missing pictures have yet to be posted in mah gallery especially for the 'Trips to 5 places.' U've gotta check out this album! Their Goat farms here are so organised! Really hi-tech. The Newater centre is just amazing... Let alone the Vegetable farm they have. IT was really marvellous. Everything was just so well planned. If only the Philippines could have such organisations.... OK.... i've said quite a bit already. Not the typical me. I would, perhaps, have another blog for my private thingies. Everything is really open here. Even the Student Council in school knows i've a blog and even linked me!! That's so nice but.... pls, i don't need it. Why would everyone be so interested in reading this damn thing? Crap- Well..... gist is that i don't really want ppl to read this. Only those ppl whom I Trust and those strangers whom i dunno and vice versa. Simple thing is, I don't want the Student Council to be reading this. U!#)(*^*(&!%*)&^% Except for the ones i've linked?? Well.... i'll think about it. So in short, this is gonna be for public delirous announcement i want people to know, other than mah personal life, it's zero. samedi, octobre 16, 2004
4:45 PM
 the first home we stayed at in s'pore...
4:34 PM
 well well... just in a nostalgic mood...
4:30 PM
 some old pics de moi mercredi, octobre 06, 2004
Psalm 22
4:15 PM
My God, my God why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent. Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the praise of the Israel. In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. They cried to you and you were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed. -Psalm 22:1-5 dimanche, octobre 03, 2004
Vulnerable
8:26 PM
Hey............. Back to square one. My dad is confined to the hospital once again.... this time, it's worst..... I can't study, I'm not myself.... I don't know what to do... exams are coming.... yet I don't feel it.... My face you see.... with tears trickling down my cheeks.... Oh I pray, If only I could take IT ALL AWAY... I don't like to see your face full of strain... Let me be the one to suffer instead... I hate seeing you in this state.... I can't loose you Dad, please be strong... Jesus, have mercy on us. samedi, octobre 02, 2004
Poems....
1:14 AM
hahahahahahaha.... whata day man. had french exam today =) but that's not the point why i'm bloggin. Ying haur and I came out with poems. they're not one but GROWING!! haha... cz even now that i'm typing, we're still coming up with a poem... hehe... well, im likely gonna blog them in my sections for poems. check it out yea? =) so the total is........................9!!!!! wow!!!... |
wilkommen
The name's Karen. Currently residing in Singapore But her heart belongs in Baguio City She yearns to go to America where her relatives and frens live. Born on the 15th June She's a yellow fanatic. A friendly lass with a good heart. Really. =p Do tag my board yea? EVERYONE'S WELCOME!! ^_^
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your profile, wishlist and everything that concerns you in here.a little bit of narcissism won't hurt, and vanity isn't a sin. WISHLIST
A human timer.
lol...
I am still that late-comer queen.
ihateihate.
(i dont really nid a wishlist..
cz i keep the things noted in my head and
frm dere, once i have enough cash, i buy dem to reward myself. =D
i just need this space filled and a "wishlist" is wat ppl write. crap.)
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Music calms the beast in me. Music calms the beast in me. your links here. keep them in clouds if you want. |