I was studying when this piece of paper fell on the floor

from the notebook I had last year.

Got curious because its quite a long entry and so I started reading it.

Below is what it is…

Apparently, it’s something that’s links to what’s going on lately.

I’m torn between the smiles and the tears.

I sing my heart out and then the next moment, emote, tear and smile here and there.

Mom saw me and she asked who has been making me cry. Haha…

She’s going to spank and give the person a good scolding.

I don’t know if she knows, but a mother knows best.

I just said it’s due to contacts.

Back to what’s written in the paper:

The long wait

As we grow older, we mature.

Many change, many don’t.

Some we notice, some we don’t.

But how long are you going to wait for your love?

Once you’ve gotten it,

How do you treasure it?

Will you change for your love?

Will you stay the same and be yourself?

Will you sacrifice?

Will you treat each day as if it will be your last?

She lived day by day.

She loved him each and much more than before

But this, she hardly recognizes

As she fell in love deeper to him.

How mystical love can be…

How amazing their love has been.

It has been many months, even achieved a year,

Yet it sometimes feels empty

But the heart sees what time has nurtured.

She was inspired by her love despite the distance.

Amazing to see how this happened and hence, treasured.

Motivated and encouraged by the blessing of his love,

The long wait seems to be ticking faster than they expected.

As time goes by, she fell even more in love.

She started calling him everyday.

She forgot about the flaws that he has had.

She learned to love him through time.

The money she earned was mainly for him…

The reason she worked, was for him.

One day, they fought.

She realized the many things she has sacrificed

Yet, the one she loves doesn’t seem to noticed because he changed.

She wasn’t treated as important as before.

I don’t think he has learned to love her through time,

She hopes he’ll learn to do the same though the long wait ahead of them.

Many times, the fight is being started by him.

Yet she succumbs,

Makes sure he’s always smiling,

That, all along he will see he is loved…

Can’t he see how lucky he is?

Sometimes she wished he was here,

Because she has learnt to be his best friend.

She cries in the night to hide the tears trickling down her cheeks,

Freeing the emotions that had piled up that day.

She just couldn’t understand why all of a sudden

She felt she wasn’t as important as before.

Was it simply because he has won her heart,

So he stops the fight, and so he doesn’t love her as much?

She wished he’ll learn and see…

For the wait could end

Anytime, anywhere, anyhow…

Will you only fight for her love in the beginning and not till the end?

Don’t you see your enemies bringing the walls that you two have built so hard?

Treasure your love,

As if it was the last day you’d lived,

For every love, is a miracle from God.

29june2007. 245-320am

Lately…

It’s been tough lately.

Esp the past 2days.

Esp a while ago.

It’s amazing how one can pretend everything is going on smoothly

And facing the world bravely with the mask they chose to wear everyday.

To me, however, as much as I thought myself as a strong person,

As much as I encourage myself, hold myself high, restraint

The emotions that needs to be hidden, today was just not one of those days.

Well, I opened up. I asked for advice and nothing has yet been executed.

I’m fighting so hard (I think), the feelings I’m holding and grasping on so

Tightly… I’m holding delicate butterflies I’m growing until

It flies freely from my hand… together.

I guess things don’t always go the way we want, no matter how

Much sacrifice we put in.

Emotions.

There are so many kinds of them I’m feeling lately.

Yet there’s this one emotion that shatters and keeps knocking my

Thoughts despite being with my molecules to shake it off

From me… it doesn’t help.

I got this CD… Corrinne May's new album: Beautiful Seed.

I don't really get CDs... rather, Its been centuries since I last spent my money on them.

I hope listening to it gives me a well deserved therapy. (ngek! hahaha)

somehow lessen the burden.

The songs I’ve been hearing everywhere I go today especially are

Not helping too. They create more force to what already is being

Loaded with so much weight.

Songs such as:

“Why” –Avril, “Sometimes” –Britney, the many songs by MYMP like:

“Tell me where it hurts, Esp for you, Constantly…”

Here in the computer as I do my usual stuffs:

“Where are you, and Make it real.”

It’s so freaking real… my emotions intertwined.

Yet I cant let this interfere with the more important things I have in hand.

Will someone pls make it better?

Because I know it’s possible albeit thy could only be the one,

Who seems so real although so far.

Cz every action, halt the eyes cant see,

What the heart feels…

It cannot deny…

I cant succumb to those…

I want my cardio to heal…

But I’ll wait in anticipation as the hiatus seems to have begun…

Pls don’t make me wait.

P.S, I love you.

well, im not sure of qn ONE... so far.
and here's the working.. I THINK.

1kN = 1000n


oops. time's up.