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jeudi, janvier 25, 2007
couples and my own struggles
9:27 PM
I saw a new pic of Orly with his girlfriend, Beya at his friendster. It's the kinda pic that I would wanna take with my someone. So I searched the net and saved a few shots. Perhaps you're thinking of something of a scandal. haha. Of course not. It's the kind of capture that doesn't emphasize on the person's smile cz the person isnt necessarily smiling nor the person's face taken as a whole. It's on his/her side. Not the sort where they are kissing or being kissed. Not the sort where hugs or clasped hands are enveloped.... What enchants me in that pose is that the person's eyes are closed and thy's forehead just rests on his or her partner. The first few empathetic thoughts that comes to my mind is that I feel the person is thankful, lucky, faithful, solemn, bliss, blessed... loved. Makes me melt. It's like no words are needed to be spoken. One just has to bury thy's hand to thy's hair and be lost in just the two of them. Pulling the person close to him or her, not wanting to let go. Ive browsed through my friendster page and came across my close pals who were once attached happily. But down the road, as the months passed, I checked back and their status is changed. Then you start to ponder and be empathetic. "She was so happy sharing me the things they did for each other. How much they exchanged their devotion all the time, but now, everything seemed to have stopped and gone their separate ways, conquering their own world, though this time, theyre alone. single." Ive been there, done that. Learnt this and that. Sometimes it gets me thinking if it will ever last. If there's really such thing as first and last. Then I came to this magazine that has the "Best love stories." haha. I bought that alright, instead of saving the money, instead of telling myself Ive to live frugally, I ended up spending the money supposedly be saved. There were series and variety of love stories but none really captured me and wowed me. I still think my adventure and Arlah's are way better than the ones published. There were couples that were able to quit smoking together and even such thing that I was pondering on, "First love." There where the long distance that survived for 14 years. There where the renewing of vows for the old... =) I don't know what's in store for me. All I know is that I'm not ready to promise. Anyway, I'm not that kind of person who promises in any means, in any stake. I don't wanna break any promises. There's way too much things that could diminish that one promise to someone that wasn't able to accomplish forcing it to be compelled upon. When someone promises to me, I tend to look forward to that. I'm jubilant and ever more stupefied when the promise was carried out. But something that's a long wait, something that seems more far-reaching, gives me difficulty to believe because no one wants to be preyed upon. No one wants that breach of trust. Yet one cant stop looking forward and making it come true... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ There's this side of me that's struggling. I keep relying on someone so I could move on. Maybe that sounds unhealthy, maybe that's a sign of weakness. I just don't understand why I have to be driven by something. Why I need to be challenged. It's so hard being alone by yourself. When you were once challenged by your best friend and you ensured that you attain and get the best for yourself and make your loved ones proud. Plus, do better than the one who had done it. Not just anyone, someone you cared and someone whom you wanna show off the world that you accomplished that. Not attaining it alone, but because you were driven. But that isn't the world I'm in now. No more best friend, I don't feel challenged nor driven. I feel alone, empty and I tend to push myself rather than enjoying the competition I've relayed on. Then in the end, I'd scrutinize myself for not doing what I should have done. Damn it. I guess thats why I'm still late to almost any function. Is starts to where I get up. What actually happens is right when I should be out and getting ready for school or any appointment, you see me still idling in bed, stealing as much sleep when I shouldnt. And then a bad chain reaction takes place. Oh shitness. I forgot the times when I was happy and felt accomplished and even congratulated myself because I was early. But that thought hardly comes by anyway. Sadness huh? I hate it. Alas it's the new year, albeit, it's so hard to turn over a new because old habits and reliance die hard. Honestly, Karen still relies on someone to wake her up. Although she has graduated from relying on her alarm clock. She has managed to wake up ON TIME, and she wouldn't have done that if not for God. Yet something else is pushing me in that shadow I keep struggling away from. (waaaaa... Does anybody understand what I just typed? haha. Its the thoughts that keeps running in my mind. Yea, every day.) With love and complete control but not her tardiness, KAREN. |
wilkommen
The name's Karen. Currently residing in Singapore But her heart belongs in Baguio City She yearns to go to America where her relatives and frens live. Born on the 15th June She's a yellow fanatic. A friendly lass with a good heart. Really. =p Do tag my board yea? EVERYONE'S WELCOME!! ^_^
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