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dimanche, juillet 20, 2008
change.
7:09 AM
 heya =) how's life so far? i hope all is good. well here's a piece of mah current life situation. Grab a bite: i had my evaluation at work today. Was one of the last few to be evaluated cz i barely work compared to the partners at store. Overall, before I was evaluated, I am honestly thinking of resigning and focusing towards my studies. To finally give in to what my parents really want -stop working and just concentrate on my studies.
Being in another sch now, getting another paper to back me up in future, adapting to the new lifestyle in school and at the same time handling the things I enjoyed outside school activities: dance, social, love, church and worklife. It gets so hard to be once involved in many areas in my life, learning by my own decision- making on changing to a better person -prioritising, giving in to temptations, pushing myself to do what's right... It's been really tough lately esp Ive 3 weeks to my major examinations. Sometimes, I just want the world to stop so I can catch up on times i acted rebelliously, erase the mistakes, lost opportunities and wasted moments I had just to be a better person, just so I can stop suffering from what I incurred to myself. We can't do that. I can't keep looking back, gotta stop thinkin of the lost opportunities, if not, my present will be utterly wasted. Present, the greatest gift I am bestowed everyday of my life. (I am writing ramdomly. whatever pops up in my head. I just wanna get rid of them so that I can feel better cz my partners told me I seem to be having a lot of thoughts in my head, I look lost... I am not myself, told me to even go home after work instead of lingering at store. damn... kawawa naman sarili ko. kawawa naman ako at di ko sya napapansin. ako pa. sarili ko pa...) There are things I have to improve on. I am not your outstanding barista. I am just average. But i wanna stop being average and do better. Nakakainis isipin na binangit rin ni Noel na ako ang senior sa lahat ng part timers. I dont like being the big sis there. I dont like being the senior. I dont seem to want any more leadership roles both at work and in school cz i feel i had t0o much of them during my elementary and highschool years. I thought I could drive, divert myself from them but sometimes, somehow, I end up getting the roles... and now, instead of embracing that opportunity, I am running away from it.... but I can't cz I have to do it. As Noel said, "you MUST." His evaluation made me reflect on my schwrk and sch attitude too. Once again, I am inspired. Might have been cocky and clueless on some of the things I answered to him, gosh... kakahiya. Working at Starbucks really stretches me to be a better person. Ive to exercise the things Ive learnt at the workshop of being a Learning Coach. Ive to give feedback on both reinforcing and changing... g0sh. di naman ako sanay sa mga ganon noh. at narealise ko rin na, back on the days i enjoyed and savored leadership roles, working with tough stains (hard/obstinate/pasaway/rebellious ppl), dat one crazy day gave me phobia. haha. grabeh kasi nangyari non... to an extent napaiyak ako kasama ko mga strangers na under national leadership trainin rin. g0sh. twas just the 2nd day of training then. -_-" farking embarrassing. ilan lang talaga nakakaalam ng storia na yan. blaaah. and den... here i am realising again. I can't stop and shouldn’t stop being better. Everyone has potential to excel. Opportunities should be seizing. We should not run away from them. God, the one who created us, will NOT give these giants of reponsibilities if we can't handle them. He believes we can do it. Ang hirap nga lang talaga sa una... at sana talaga, magawa ko ito. gusto ko ulit magtagumpay. gusto kong matupad ang aking mga desires, wishes,and things ive worshipped towards successful people since i was young. They drive me time and time again... and now that I am brought to that platform, I want that blissful and deserving blessings I have been hungry on. traaaaa. stop the "ugh". haha. feedbackfeedback: di dapat mailang na. to an extent, i am SHY and a conscious person towards other people. di rin kasi ako sanay magtake ng leadership roles sa working environment. this is like a farking BIG deal to me. sanay ako sa students... things that doesnt concern about a JOB, gettin fired, MONEY issues, CUSTOMERS -all kinds from bad to worst and there’s the COLLEAGUES. i am not comfortable being a leader with those hefty stakes laid on my table. natatakot ako. tapos parang kasi i dont feel much backing up going on... cz you've to showcase that with the new role given to you, you have to impress your boses now. Eh sa school kasi, whatever you do, teachers back you up cz ure the leader of the sch. this is an INTERNATIONAL COMPANY i am involved in. g0sh. grabeh... tapos alam mo yon... di naman ako seriouso kasi nga part time lang sya. my overview of that "part time job" doesnt require hefty duties or leadership roles... parang simple lang sya sakin: earn money. i dont care how much. im killin my free time makin bucks. ganyan sya eh.... kaya it needs change man. den i am somehow diggin for inspirations, strings i wanna keep so that i can keep alo0f the ground. eh cno nga naman ba? sa ngayon parang wala pa eh kasi this is serious a responsibility. shet talaga. cguro hindi nga sya serious sa inyo... pero iniisip ko rin kasi ang oras ko sa sch0ol... mom already warned me that if i failed any module, im out of my job whether i want or not. lastly, di ko naman talaga element ang business. wat the heck. grrr... ive to make the most of it, LEARN and APPLY the skills given to me. =) tapos ako rin yong tipong tao na sobrang naniniwala sa "actions speak louder than words." I am more impressed on ppl who showcase their action. napapansin ko kasi sila kaysa sa sabihin mo sakin. not really that verbally-believed. and now, hello realisation... you've to TELL dem wat to DO.. you need to ACT what you SAY... that TELL-DO, ACT-SAY are connected. that they are a team and one can't stand on its own. so parang nalaos na sakin ang sayin na yan. (pero cguro sa pagibig, masgugustohin ko parin na ipakita sakin na mahal nya ako, syempre, rather than tellin me everyday he loves me wen he doesnt show it. sarap sabihin, 'go away. i can just get a parrot, train it and tell me "iloveu" everyday.' haha.=P) ang hirap rin sabihin nyan... again, phobia -i break down wen the person i wanna change for the better, perceived it harshly and reacts negatively towards my utmost heartfelt concern for his better being. (God I need you're help so bad.) And then lastly, Ive to update my knowledge. I am embracing coffee na. Addict na ako sa coffee to be honest. I have coffee everyday in school. Ive come to budget that in my allowance. Di completo araw ko kung di ako nagcoffee. Thank God may cafe sa school at malapit sya sa entrance ng main school and voila, sa blocks ng course ko=) weeee. (hmm... so thinkin about it... maybe it is somehow destined I work at coffee business. ahahaha. ngek. wat a thin assumption. nyaahahaha. well, SB, so far, is the longest part time job i am in... and honestly, i am shock to answer my partners that I have been working for more than a year. napapasabay ako sa "wow" reaction nila. g0sh. =) ) so, after my exams, i am devoting my time to SB. syempre, may time rin sa iba... i'll just give more time for that. magaaral rin ako. masarap naman tumambay don eh. heeeee... iloveilove. akalin mo ba naman, i txted Noel.. i told him he inspires me. hehehe... parang nahihiya ako. but hey, youve to open ur golden mouth if its for the go0d. at yan rin, natutunan ko sa starbucks at di sa pamilya ko. oops. den i realised too na there are things youve to learn on ur own, out of ur family boundary to mould us. hindi lahat, matututunan mo sa family mo... im thankful... of the many people moulding me to be a better me in this big BIG world, I am blessed they're downtoearth and really wants the best for us. =) dang. i t0ok an hour to write my thoughts. sowie... Imma linear person. thanks for the time. =) will update on wat happens to me down the road. hehe. I’m pending on achieving the goals in my life. Also, to have fun and loving what you do, Ive realised that you gotta know how to stretch your abilities, opportunities on your platform. You’ve to think with how the business work, adapt to how they run it and do something about upgrading yourself. Do not wait to be served, youve to know your sources and go out there, learn it make them come true towards the people. (ayan nga, leadership na nga. Totoo na nga ang mga good quotes. Theyre so freakin meaningless to me... yes i understand what they mean, but once the time comes, i remembered the quotes i read and found a deeper meaning on what the person actually mean. Wow. Amazing realisation Karen! Haha.) Have fun sailing life people! =) Keep your faith and never settle for anything less because we are deserving to be a better person. Pass on your knowledge, help each other and leave all your worries to God... cz he surprises us with his miracles and we are never alone... so keep your loved ones, seize the present and everyday of our lives... =) Ilovey'all! Always keep safe and God bless! 2520 le20juillet2008. [funfact: ang haba ng sinulat ko noh? but thats how long it should be. dapat nga longer. 3 pages at least. thats only 2 1/4. =) |
wilkommen
The name's Karen. Currently residing in Singapore But her heart belongs in Baguio City She yearns to go to America where her relatives and frens live. Born on the 15th June She's a yellow fanatic. A friendly lass with a good heart. Really. =p Do tag my board yea? EVERYONE'S WELCOME!! ^_^
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