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mardi, septembre 07, 2010
7th Sept 10 and I am lonely
1:13 AM
Its been sometime since I felt this lonesomeness that I was just taught not to entertain it in my heart. Who could be blamed when circumstances are a reality. I am to blame no one. My bestfriend cousin just left phils for good. the most romantic exboyfriend just lost his dad due to heart attack -no vices. And I am not in the best position of a relationship, if there is to even count for. Worst is that its my school break for 2 weeks and I am panned by reality. I am too free and I let my mind run away... Every night I cling on to your word oh God... You have heard my cries, my pains, my negativity, my impulsiveness, my proud ego, i hate at times. I lost my ezlink card again today. about 40bucks in there when I was gonna make my visit to a love one. I only realized it after lunch, alone. mygawd. so there, he doesnt know i went there almost penniless... he doesnt know i still went to see him cz i wanna be there and care for him. he doesnt know i have been waiting and it hurts to wait sometimes i just wanna let go, leave everything... when i was there, i had to stop myself from hugging him, from wanting him close, from wantin to kiss him instead of his niece... I had to tolerate.. i had to cooperate.. I had to play like an actress... i had no choice but to wait and hope and keep that faith... There have been amountin memories and events ive been pillin up wantin to share it to him, but somehow, i cant make myself to cz i dont seem welcome in the look in his eyes... i went home, alone. cold. i dont know whom to turn to... nobody seem to last as my real bestfriend. all love ones are leavin the phils.. all are busy with their own lives.. and i am just a soul out there.. souless? heh.. i dont wanna be negative... but i am just feeling this.. i watched the new bachellorette, Ally, with my siblings. I just can't help but miss the connection, the sweetness... the ways a man goes all out for the one he loves. and all i can do now, is just keep that faith... and cry to him, my solace, my solitude... the barenaked ladies band was part of the show, and i cant help but to put this on a replay: "you run away." i wanna get lost in the sound of music once more... and never letting it stop, cz it soothes me. the visit ti campus 3 was such an eyeopener it made me feel happy. sana isang campus nlg at 3 schools para balance ang energy sa lahat ng departments. i think our campus 2 is the stressed out building. we need energy from the other campuses! |
wilkommen
The name's Karen. Currently residing in Singapore But her heart belongs in Baguio City She yearns to go to America where her relatives and frens live. Born on the 15th June She's a yellow fanatic. A friendly lass with a good heart. Really. =p Do tag my board yea? EVERYONE'S WELCOME!! ^_^
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your profile, wishlist and everything that concerns you in here.a little bit of narcissism won't hurt, and vanity isn't a sin. WISHLIST
A human timer.
lol...
I am still that late-comer queen.
ihateihate.
(i dont really nid a wishlist..
cz i keep the things noted in my head and
frm dere, once i have enough cash, i buy dem to reward myself. =D
i just need this space filled and a "wishlist" is wat ppl write. crap.)
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Music calms the beast in me. Music calms the beast in me. your links here. keep them in clouds if you want. |